Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Should we teach teens about BDSM in sex ed? Hell Yes!

"A sex education program [with information about BDSM] would help people understand what's consensual and what's not." Leigh Cuen’s “Should we teach teens about BDSM in sex ed?”

I couldn’t agree with this more. One of the most common complaints anti-porn people throw out is that too many young people are confusing what they see and hear about in porn with real sex. And, personally, I think that’s true. I do think that, because we have really poor and mis-focused sex-ed in schools, a lot of people’s first real-world, practical sex-ed teachers is porn. Which leads to a lot of really messed up misconceptions about sex. Like the whole myth about persistence, that if you just keep pushing you can change someone’s “no” to a “yes.” Or the idea that sex is less sexy the more you talk about it. Or that there are deeply ingrained and “natural” gender roles when it comes to sex. 

None of this is true.

And kink, when studied as a culture and not a fantasy, reinforces that. It teaches a lot of real-world, practical sexual skills that we as a culture desperately need. Like, consent, what it is and how to recognize it in yourself and in others. Like ensuring safety and pleasure of both you and your partners. It shows that sex is more than any one singular act and reinforces the idea that, like a buffet, you get to decide what you want to do and what you don’t and with whom. It also separates sex from traditional ideas love and “The One,” which while romantic have proven to not only be not applicable but straight-up toxic for a lot of people. Not to mention, separating sex from traditional ideas of shame and immorality, opting instead to value safety and consent of the partners involved. And it promotes openness, dialog, and ingenuity, proving time and time again that with enough creativity, consent, and communication there are so very few fantasies that can’t be realized through kink.

We should be treating this as an opportunity to learn about and from each other and passing on that knowledge to future generations. Because—I don’t know if you’ve been looking at the world lately—but these are lessons we all could really use more of.

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